"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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