Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
