Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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