I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I will be naked everywhere
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
