I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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