I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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