where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
