You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
