Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
