this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
