Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
