You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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