remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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