i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
