I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
