i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
