I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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