Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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