i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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