she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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