i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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