Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
