dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we're so committed to being not committed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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