he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
