Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
