At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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