a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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