my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
