when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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