i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
