Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this just has baby written all over it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
