i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
