i permit you to call me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
