I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
