Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
