If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
