She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
