she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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