What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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