Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
