Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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