Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
