if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
