I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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