the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
