I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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