The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
