Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
