so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
