I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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