question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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